Zataofi: Zen and the Art of Fuckit


Life has a tendency to be good. It also has a tendency to be bad. Some times it is difficult to tell the difference. Mostly, though, it's just a pain echoing back and forth between the two, unable to get any sort of real bearing. Having survived all sorts of Natural Torture, including a climactic nervous breakdown, I feel fully qualified to present a method of resolution for this roller coaster. As you echo back and forth between bliss and anguish, you may find yourself largely dissatisfied. The problem is not trouble or pleasure, necessarily, but one's hopeless inability to permanently settle on one or the other. Constantly grabbing at one and then the other sets one's equilibrium into a potential tailspin. Zen and the Art of Fuckit is a time-tested method that will probably not get you far in life, but may very well get you through it.

Zen and the Art of "fuckit."

Axis 1: The Obvious Reaction: fuckit.

Stop giving a shit, let it all go and let loose The Obvious Reaction: "Fuckit." as things happen to and around you. Don't exclaim it, we need no extra excite ment. And don't discriminate, either--"good" and "bad" events warrant "Fuckit." equally. Discriminating too much on these matters will put you right back where you began: uncomfortable roller coasting.

Axis 2: The Obvious Question and Answer: WTF

If a situation presents itself and "Fuckit." seems too determined and assertive to be situation-appropriate, then fall back on The Obvious Answer to the question: "What the fuck.". If that still is too determined and assertive to be situation appropriate, resort to The Obvious Question: "What the fuck?". Sometimes, doubling up on rhetorical irrelevance of life's big and small questions can not only confuse the situation but also provide some situational comedy.

Axis 3: Reflection

An appropriate step in your new life is reflection. But do not reflect on the situations directly, as other life counselors may suggest--instead, reflect on your answers as they apply to the questions/situations of your life. This reflective process can be even more rewarding if accompanied with a good non-lethal toxin -- a bit of intoxication combined with the right answers really puts life in perspective. (What? You don't drink? Fuckit.)


"Our holy prophet intended to follow this treatise with an appendix -- but in a fit of divine inspiration and enlightenment he said, 'Fuckit'"
an early disciple,
regarding the brevity of the appendix

An Example of Zen and the Art of Fuckit in action

Your boss has denied your raise, given you more work, and your wife overcooked dinner.

You step outside for a cigarette (If you don't smoke . . . fuckit. Talk to a squirrel or something.). It's nearly time for bed -- which is the perfect time for Daily Reflection. You pour something stiff from your favorite bottle and tag a good swig of it, purging dinner's foul aftertaste from your mouth, and casually direct your thoughts to the first "Could Have Been A Problem" that came your way. Wincing down another drink, you can't help but mutter "My pay raise was denied. What the fuck?" -- a few minutes later, you realize you didn't really need the raise. Or you don't realize that. Either way, a little while later The Obvious Answer warrants The Obvious Reaction: "Fuckit." -- You move on to the fact that you've more work than before: Casually, you treat it the same way. By the time you hit the bottom of the glass, you've fucked most everything that day and can't decide whether you'd rather enjoy a good or bad's night sleep or have another drink.

If you're the author, you mutter "Fuckit." and pour another.


If ever this solution seems to fail to produce the results hoped for, I'd hope you were expecting it. The real case and point is in the solution itself. Whatever the case, remember this one thing: "Fuckit."